How to survive the holidays

How to survive the most improbable and impossible would be an easier request.

Every commercial, every tradition, every memory every holiday is wrapped up in your child.

The very person for which your heart beats.

The person for which, you know there is no going back. You can never have this holiday again. You only get a handful of these early years Christmases. Only one birthday each year. Only one first. Only one first of anything.

How is a parent meant to keep breathing through this kind of pain?

Suffocating, drowning, in heartbreak. 

I think at this point, this is where self care reaches critical. 

Treat this like a grieving process. 

Give yourself permission to grieve. 


  1. Know that you are going to survive. Other people have walked this ahead of you, and others, unfortunately, will follow after. Hold fast, you will survive.
  2. Make sure you have atlas one person that can support you through this holiday. Frankly, any less than two is a big ask. It is always better to have a wider support network. Don’t avoid other who are in this situation. They may be the best support you ever had. 
  3. Accept that this year is different. You don’t have to do the traditions you did before. Your energy levels will be low, and that is okay. Curl up and read a book. Go for a long walk along the sea. Whatever renews you.
  4. Spend time through the holidays with people who are able and willing to talk about your child. You may not want to, but you may have the need to speak, and you need someone to engage with.
  5. Get out of the house. Don’t wall yourself up. Most towns have a Christmas dinner for those without family or the means. Take a deep breath and attend a meal out with work, or a go to a friends house for coffee.
  6. Do something in memory of your child or for their memory collection for the future. I would add, do something to honour yourself as a parent. It may seem trite, but get your self a special photo frame a small something from your child, to commemorate and celebrate yourself as a parent. Not being allowed to parent on a daily basis, does not mean you are not a parent. 
  7. Start a journal. Write it out. Write your fears, write your dreams, get it out of yourself, so you can let something new in. 
  8. Send a letter to someone who has helped you this year. There must be someone whose day you can make by sending out some positive. Remind yourself you retain the power to change someone’s day for the better.  


Remember, when all this ‘good advice’ sounds unrealistic and you can’t see through the pain.

Your life is what you are fighting for.

Your voice is your driving force.


And you will survive. 

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